The Cheese-free No longer Stands Alone

So you have decided to eat on purpose.  Maybe that means Paleo, Vegan, or Gluten-free.  Maybe it's for health reasons, environmental reasons, animal rights reasons, or a mixture.  You have kicked the processed food addiction and are feeling absolutely amazing.  Great job!

3 Toxic Chemicals Your Baby Doesn't Like

Welcome to the February 2014 Natural Living Blog Carnival: Naturally Beautiful. This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Natural Living Blog Carnival hosted by Happy Mothering and Crunchy Farm Baby through the Green Moms Network. This month, our members are talking about skincare and other personal care products. You'll find a variety of posts about choosing natural beauty products and even tutorials on how to make some of your own! Be sure to read all of the posts listed at the bottom of mine to learn how to keep your beauty routine safe and natural.

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If you are already a Tribal Mama, you know how bath products can be toxic for both you and your baby.  But where to start?  PEG-100?  Polysorbate 80?  Sodium Lauryl Sulfate? Or... Sodium Laureth Sulfate?

No need for a panic attack.  Here are three simple places to start weeding your baby bath products (and Mama beauty stuff!).

Tribal Mama: BABYBEARSHOP Giveaway hosted by Green Resolutions 2014

Welcome to the 3rd Annual Green Resolutions Giveaway Hop, hosted by Happy Mothering and the Green Moms Network! Each of the participating blogs is offering a prize package to help you start your New Year on a green foot, so you can stick to your resolutions!

After entering my giveaway, be sure to hop around and enter all of the other giveaways listed on the linky at the bottom of this post! And don't forget to enter the grand prize over at Happy Mothering, where she is giving away two amazing grand prizes! First prize is a Pure Echo Organic Cotton Natural Twin Mattress from mygreenmattress.com. This safe mattress is made from GOTS Certified Organic Cotton and Natural Wool and is free of fire retardants and other harmful chemicals. You will rest easy knowing your child is sleeping on a safe mattress from mygreenmattress.com! Second prize is a huge package of glassware from Mighty Nest to help you swap your kitchen plastic for glass! This package includes 8 pieces of glass food storage, a set of glass measuring cups and 2 glass bistro pitchers! Wow!

I just LOVE this brand.  BABYBEARSHOP's products have healed and cleansed my body naturally for two years now.  I am super picky about what to put on my body.  If it can't go in my body, it doesn't go on my body.  My exception to this rule is essential oils in the right proportions for its use.  Ya definitely can't eat them all, but using them on the skin is great.  This brand does both.  It has only organic oils and the right proportion of organic essential oils.  The company is vegan-certified, which is an extremely difficult certification to obtain.

I Hit A Kid Once

Well, not really.  At least I hope he didn't tell his parents I hit him.  Because I didn't.  Okay, you be the judge.

We were at the playground.  You know, the indoor one at the mall.  It's the place where I take my kids when I am fairly certain we have been in the house too long.  I can tell because Xavi begins punching with his sister for no apparent reason, followed by hugs and kisses which obviously escalates into more hitting.  No, that's not when I hit the kid.  Though, I am going to be at a loss once that boy is too heavy to pick up and move.  Ehh... that's for future Jaye Anne to work out.

So, we were at this playground.  Bella had gone into this dome thing with a little boy.  I was concerned what would happen between two three-year-olds of opposite sex in such a private space, so I watched them closely to find out.

I could tell there was tension between them.  The boy was trying to convey something in whatever language he was trying to speak.  It was a mixture of English and Spanish and unadulterated toddler speech frustration.  The one language he clearly spoke was boy.  The same language that Bella's brother speaks.  That little boy picked his foot up and --tapped-- my little girl with his foot on her CHEST!  He meant to kick her harder, so he tried again.

As his foot raised,  Warrior Mama came out of me, wanting to kill him. I jumped across an airplane runway and dove into the dome.  Fortunately, for everyone, Peaceful Mama brought Warrior Mama down a few (thousand) notches.  I pointed at his chest and in a powerful (not yelling) voice said, "YOU do NOT kick her!"  He ran off, crying to his mommy.  I felt both victorious and guilty.  I made someone else's kid cry by defending my own.

What would you have done?  How do you handle altercations between toddler acquaintances?

What the heck is Conscious Parenting?

So this conscious parenting thing...  It seems to be a--erm--movement?  And it is moving in a BIG way.  Fast.  This is awesome!  But... I have my concerns with this quick-moving movement.  Do these people really understand what conscious parenting is?  I'm reminded of the organic movement.  How it started with a feeling and ended up with a bunch of homeless hippies on one end and the USDA owning the word on the other.  While I don't think the USDA is going to own our parenting styles (that would be a mess), I want to define this word here since it is the crux of why I spend all this time on the Internet.  Why I have this blog.

95% of what we do in life is unconscious.  The choices we make in food, jobs, entertainment, spouses.  We know it, too, though maybe not to the extent it controls our lives.  Have you ever heard someone say "so-and-so made a conscious decision to this and that?"  The worst part (or maybe the best part) is that the framework for this unconscious activity was laid in the first six years of our lives while we were in a brain wave state called "theta."  This is why change is so hard.  We want to keep our unconscious stuff going on, for good or for bad.  Conscious thinking takes a lot of energy, and it is the slower-firing part of the brain.  Our unconscious is there to help us make quick decisions based on past experiences.  The conscious brain is there for innovation.  The future.

 The good news is we can be reprogrammed using our conscious brain.  The difficulty lies in what do we want to reprogram and what do we want to keep?  What is even there?  Well, since our unconscious makes a lot of our decisions, we can deduce that the course of our lives is a printout of our programming.  We can see where we have been and make a conscious decision to change where we are going.  Sometimes the past is so difficult that we need help seeing what it looked like.  This is why therapy changes lives.  We can get up on a hill to see which way the forest ends.

So, what does this mean for parenting and natural living?  Well, we can reprogram things we want to change.  For example, I grew up in a house where we were late all the time.  Then I was finding myself being late all the time.  I have thought to myself, "do I want to keep this program or rewrite it?"  Then I decided, and acted accordingly.  We can do the same thing with every parenting decision we make.  I have a hunch that this conscious thing erupted so greatly in the parenting sector because maybe parents have an altered state of brain activity, too.  But that's my personal speculation.

The point is, conscious parenting is about the why and not the how.  For example, many people demonize spanking.  They question what the difference is between spanking and beating a child.  In some cases, there is no difference.  The intention creates this difference.  I will freely admit, my parents spanked me as a child.  My mom called it a tool in the toolbox of her parenting techniques.  She had a very conscious way about her spanking, and used it when it was necessary.  One would not use a hammer to fix a porcelain dish, nor glue to build a house.  The intention is the difference.

So all of you out there wanting to have a "certified conscious parenting" experience, you will have to look for more than unschooling, elimination communication, freebirthing, and breastfeeding.  Those are all things "crunchy" people might do and can be great for health and the free spirit, but may or may not be conscious.  I would argue that in the right person public schooling, disposable diapering, elected c-sections, and bottlefeeding can also be conscious.  Look more upstream than that and answer why.

Conscious parenting is about knowing yourself, knowing your child, paying attention, and making your own decisions.  This is a lot of work.  None of these things has direct output metrics, so if you say you are a conscious parent, I'll believe you.  No one knows more about you than you.

The best part of conscious parenting is being able to tailor the how to each child and to myself in our current stage of life.  I own the tools, not the other way around.  The over arching goal? To maximize happiness and love in each member of my family, including myself.  Especially myself.  If my children see that it's okay for me to be happy and loving while they are in their "theta" state, they would be better off as parents in the future.  Maybe that could continue to the seventh generation.

Traditional Christmas Tree

Welcome to the December 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Childhood Memories
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have talked about memories of growing up — their own or the ones they’re helping their children create. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Xavi looking for trees in the wagon

I am the eldest of four.  As my mom says, "it goes girl, boy, boy, girl."  We are each three years apart and have recently begun to actually enjoy each other's presence.  Year after year for Christmas, we have typically gone to a Christmas tree farm to get the bit of outside to bring the outdoors in.  Weird, I know.  We drive past all the fancy Charlie Brown-style lots to pay more and chop a tree down ourselves.

Bella found her perfect baby tree!

But traditions are more about why than about what.  I think there is some visceral connection to the earth that we remind ourselves of when we chop down this ceremonial tree.  The fresh air, the great scenery (our tree farm is on the side of a beautiful mountain), the pictures, the stories (remember the time Nathan forgot his jacket-- and his shoes!  He had to be carried from tree to tree until we picked out the perfect one).  These are the things we bring back other than our tree.  There is something also to be said for taking the responsibility for the energy required to bring our tree home.  There are no transportational middlemen here.

We leave things too.  The money we spend goes to the farmer and the farmer's children.  This is obvious since we see both of them working with us.  Some of the children sell snacks as a personal business.  Their house is slightly farther up the mountain than the barn and trees for Christmasing.  By patronizing their farm over a cheaper tree, we allow them to thrive and flourish as people.  They are nice, too.  They always help us hoist the tree up to the roof of the car (can't help us tie it due to insurance regulations) and wave goodbye as we drive away.  For the purchase of something so ornamental, there is a real connected feeling about the whole experience.  Of goodness, of love, and of kindess.  Of Christmas.
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by afternoon December 11 with all the carnival links.)

• Childhood Memories of Peace, Support, Joy, and Love — Amber at Heart Wanderings wants to make sure the majority of the memories that her children have as a part of their family are ones that are positive and help support the amazing people that they are now and will become as adults.
• Hand Made Baby Books — Destany at They Are All of Me talks about why baby books are important to her for preserving memories of her childrens first years, and shows how she made one by hand for each child.
• Can your childhood memories help you keep your cool? — Here's To A Boring Year uses memories of being a child to keep her on the path to peaceful parenting.
• Inter-Generational Memories {Carnival of Natural Parenting} — Meegs at A New Day talks about her own childhood memories, and what she hopes her daughter will remember in the future.
• Snapshots — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings reflects on the ways our childhood memories appear to us, and hopes her own daughter's childhood will be one she remembers as being happy and fulfilled.
• What makes the perfect parent? — In a guest post on Natural Parents Network, Mrs Green from Little Green Blog reflects on camp follow and camp no-follow...
• In My Own Handwriting — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen talks about her journals and the hope that they will be able to keep her stories alive even if she isn't able to.
• Candlelight, fairylight, firelight — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud re-discovers the ingredients for bringing magic to life, especially at Christmas.
• Making Memories (or) How We Celebrate Christmas — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis talks about creating new memories at Christmas, and the joy their adventures bring to her whole family.
• The Importance of Recording Feelings and Emotions and Not Just the Experience — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares why she puts pen to paper every day to record more than just her experiences as a mother and her daughter's experiences as a child. Jennifer looks at the importance of capturing feelings and emotions that accompany the experience.
• Dredged up — Kenna at Million Tiny Things has been forced to recount childhood memories at bedtime, due to the failure of her middle-aged imagination. She resists, of course.
• Crafting Memories — Handmade is what makes the holidays special for Christy at Eco Journey In the Burbs, and she wants to create the same connection with her daughters that she remembers with mother and grandmother.
• My Childhood Memories; beacons of light in the darkness — Stone Age Parent shares the impact of her childhood memories on her life as a parent today, listing some of her many rich childhood memories and how they now act as beacons of light helping her in the complex, often confusing world of child-rearing.
• 10 Ways I Preserve Memories for My Children — From video interviews to time capsules, Dionna at Code Name: Mama wants to make sure her children have many different ways to cherish their childhood memories. Dionna's carnival post features ten of the ways she preserves memories; check out her Pinterest board for more ideas.
• Memories of my mother — Luschka at Diary of a First Child remembers her mother and the fondest moments of her childhood, especially poignant as she sits by her mother's sickbed writing.
• Creating Happy Childhood Memories through Family Traditions — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells why family traditions are so important to her and her family and shares how she’s worked to create traditions for her children.
• Traditional Christmas Tree — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep remembers the great times spent with her family driving for the Christmas Tree and the lessons learned.
• Wet Socks and Presents — Kat at MomeeeZen writes about her favorite Christmas childhood memory and why it's so special. And she hopes one day her kids will also have a feel-good memory of their own to look back on.
• Stuff does not equal memories — Lauren at Hobo Mama learns that letting go does not mean failing to remember.
• A Child's Loss- Will They Remember Dad? — Erica at ChildOrganics writes about their family's loss of their husband and father. She trys to find answers to the question: Will they remember their Dad?
• Childhood Memories - Hers and Mine — Jorje of Momma Jorje wished for her daughter the same passions and experiences she loved as a child, but learns the hard way to accept whatever passions strike in her child.
• Holiday Non-Traditions — Erika Gebhardt enjoys her family's tradition of not having traditions for the holidays.

The Power of Intention

"the road to hell is paved with good intentions"  A familiar adage rings in my ears every time I say I intend to do something.  My mom's nickname at work many years ago was "iwuzgunna," It was emblazoned on her name plaque before I could read (and made for some interesting times while I was learning... what was this word??)

But anyone who has read The Secret knows the positive impact of intentions. True intentions.  Conscious intentions.  Today, I had one of those magical moments where my intention became reality within minutes.  It seemed like by accident, but I know my intention made the difference between things happening and things not happening.

I was taking my morning tea break.  Mostly, I was waiting for my tea to cool down (they have such hot water there!)  No one was in the Pub and I was just waiting for my tea to cool down.  Just waiting for something cool to happen.  Then I was tired of waiting.  I used to think waiting was cool; that doing nothing was a bit of stick-it-to-the-man.  In this moment I realized doing nothing wastes my energy, and my tea was not getting any cooler.  I had a conscious intention that things were going to change.  I thought this OUT LOUD to myself.  That I was going to start working on another project soon.  I felt this truth in the pit of my stomach.  Then I felt this truth release, as if I didn't care if it did happen.  I went on my usual business.  My tea cooled.

An hour later I was about to have a snack with a friend.  I realized I had forgotten my badge and went back to my desk to get it, when I had a chance encounter with someone from another project.  I was present and my hands were able.  She wanted me to work on her project for the rest of this week.  My intention came to fruition because I forgot my badge.  No; because I had an intention and jumped on the next gear that came by.  All the cycles synced up.  I have a new doing because I had a new intention.

So as for the road to hell, that saying is not a part of my truth.  Maybe that applies in someone else's case.  I don't know everything about other people's lives.  But that is for another time.  For now, I wish you all well intentions.

Culture of what?

Prince Charles said that a culture is defined by its religion, its language and its cuisine.  I don't know about you, but I have felt cultureless for a long time.  Being a white girl who grew up in just-barely-middle class America, I felt like our culture was so bleached out that I grabbed for anything that felt like culture.  Much of what was available, though was out of context so I could not really feel like I was a part of something.  Experiencing others' cultures is only useful when a person has their own sense of what their culture feels like.  Otherwise, it is a noncontextual glimpse of something that feels random to the onlooker.

It is my surmise, though, that when a person is firmly grounded in their own culture, they are better able to understand others' cultures.  Look at the humble tomato.  Juicy and delicious, it is a native to Mexico.  We all think of Italian food as being steeped in tomato sauce and cheese at every turn.  Tomatoes did not become a part of their cuisine until Columbus discovered the New World and brought tomatoes back.  Because the Italians were firmly grounded in their own cusine, they were able to incorporate this new fruit into something that we view to be Italian.

So what of America?  What is our culture?  There is a part of me that wants to say we are too geographically large to have one culture.  I can tell you how I grew up.  My food was ramen noodles, mac and cheese, and fresh vegetables.  We had honey ginger chicken a lot, and occasionally meat loaf or casseroles for dinner.  Lunch was usually sandwiches (and for awhile, pizza), and as my years went on my parents began as staunch low-sugar breakfast cereal promoters (if we had sugary cereals, it was always mixed with a healthy one) to we don't like it, but we are too tired to fight you on this issue, and we are happy to have breakfast with you.

As for religion, we were very Christian.  We hid in the back while getting dressed for Halloween, hoping that the trick-or-treaters would see our dark house and skip it.  We then drove to church where they had what they called the "joy jamboree."  I have never really heard jamboree be used in a serious sense since.  I can remember the part during church between worship and the message, where from the awaiting silence a prophesy would speak out some kind of heartwarming or horrifying thought.

My language was predominately English because that's what my mom spoke.  My father is deaf, so he signed to us quite a bit, though he was very good at speaking.

But I always felt we were not normal.  That there was something out there that was more normal or cultural than us.  Maybe I was searching for an idealized cultural normal that I thought existed.  Something to the effect of "getting the chip."  Maybe I made it hard for myself to be accepted into the culture because I kept telling myself that I was different, and then my self-fulfilling prophesy was fulfilled.

I don't know if America has a culture, but it certainly contains a lot of them and blanket-sweeping some type of cultural norms across the entire country snuffs out the beautiful variation that we have.  Naturally-and conciously-minded people do this too.  We say "we do thus and so (insert breastfeeding, cloth diapering/EC, homebirthing here)," and the rest of the world does "blah, blah, blah (insert formula-feeding, disposable diapering, or epidural-sporting comment here)."  I know a lot of people do respect the microculture that is our day-to-day life, which is a dynamic, ever-changing set of actions that become our mark on the earth and on humanity.  Sometimes we need to turn around and put the spotlight on ourselves with this conscious living.  Is it really conscious, or is it just anti-perceived culture?